#humor

"Love Fades [10w] Like our love,Chinese painters show distance in faded grays."

"Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends."

"I can only assume,"said Jace, "that mortal emotions amuse you because you have none of your own."

"Hit ain't sacrilege. Miss Effie Belle says when she cain't think what to have for dinner, she asts God and right off He gives her an idea. To my thinkin', thet's sacrilege."Miss Love really laughed. "There's not a woman in the world who hasn't prayed what to cook for dinner, Rucker!"

"Getting Real about the Eel It's not that eel wants to avoid commitment.From the eel's point of view, it is a matter of survival.Who the fuck wants to be with an eel anyway,when there are plenty of less slippery fish."

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."

"Snow is not microwave friendly. In fact, snow is not too friendly at all, unless you first buy it a few beers. Then it’s just downright slutty."

"I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to"

"Would you like a cough drop Dolores?"

"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."

"There are never enough 'I love you's."

"Marriage would change hardly anything between us, except that we would end our arguments in a much more satisfying way. And of course I would have extensive legal rights over your body, your property, and all your individual freedoms, but I don't see what's so alarming about that."

"Science doesn’t listen. Science has mice growing out of its ears. Wait, I mean human ears growing out of its mice."

"My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time."

"You catch more flies with honey than you do with chopsticks. Let this be a lesson in love."

"Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt."

"Advice for Women at Starbucks If a vanilla latte and banana nut muffin doesn't solve the problem,perhaps you're going at it wrong."

"Happiness is a warm puppy."

"We spend money that we do not have, on things we do not need, to impress people who do not care."

"I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple"