#humor

"Lowbrows vs. Highbrows If you show something lowbrow to a highbrow does it wind up becoming crusty eye caca?"

"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"If you can't enjoy what you have, you can't enjoy more of it."

"I want to be the founder of a #startup app called Quid Pro Squid. No idea what it will do, but if I can get enough users, VC money will flow."

"Death as Opportunity [10w] Death's an opportunity to wisely fill the void it leaves."

"Dogs [10w] Dogs never lie about love,but occasionally fake an orgasm."

"Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch."

"Eyes of Heaven To see through the eyes of heavenis to look upon your fellow manand only see the good in him."

"Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself."

"If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day,You have to go places quite out of the way,You have to go places no others can get to.You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too."

"Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."Eddie DeChooch"

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."

"If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners might make the best lovers."

"Ask me if I sparkle and I’ll kill you where you stand.” (Bones)"

"Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)"

"The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on prime-time networks, but not nearly enough cable television on public programming."

"I'm sober. Yessiree, I quit drinking. I haven't had a beer in four hours. Now I just need some coffee and to get drunk on love poetry."

"If I saw a hitchhiker wearing a tie-dyed shirt, I’d assume he’s been waiting for a ride since the 1960s. I think that kind of patience is groovy."

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."

"The trick to looking ageless is drinking 55 gallons of #FlashBangWowFuzz every 4-6 hours. 24-hour discounts available."