#humour

"Emergency Valve Regulators,"she repeated. "So you do know what your doing?"Not really,"he said yanking another wire. 'I made up that term to keep you happy. I'm just pulling all the red wires because they're the pretty ones."

"I wouldn’t have minded school if they taught you important things like how to have good sex and what brand of wine is the best… But for some reason they were hell bent on teaching me algebra"

"I'll go,"he said."And that's safer because?""I'm a guy.""Right, and having a pair of dingle balls makes you invincible how?"

"They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science."

"Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea."

"If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable."

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."

"My head’ll explode if I continue with this escapism."

"People soon get tired of things that aren't boring, but not of what is boring."

"I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?"

"If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!"

"On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time."

"A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement"

"FEAR stands for fuck everything and run."

"When I turn back to Jase, he’s again beaming at me. “You’re nice.” He sounds pleased, as if he hadn’t expected this aspect of my personality."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"You realise you’re going to owe me dinner after this, right?”“How does McDonald’s sound?”“Inadequate."

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."

"I don't have a thing,"Tengo said, "except my soul.""Sounds like a job for Mephistopheles,"she said."

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"