Bill Watterson

"CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?HOBBES:I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God."

"Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!"

"When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back."

"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."

"CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment."

"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."

"When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back."

"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."

"HOBBES:Virtue needs some cheaper thrills."

"CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight."

"Reality continues to ruin my life."

"I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts."

"Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice."

"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."

"Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"HOBBES:If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams."

"To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble."

"The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity."