Mark Twain

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure."

"A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat."

"Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."

"Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day."

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."

"The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies."

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up."

"If books are not good company, where shall I find it?"

"Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven."

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know."

"A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it."

"Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms."

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."

"′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read."

"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream."