Mark Twain

"Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought."

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up."

"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."

"A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat."

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

"It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech."

"The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for."

"The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also."

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

"Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven."

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know."

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man."

"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

"Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out."