Mark Twain

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."

"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."

"A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it."

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

"Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out."

"I haven't any right to criticize books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone."

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure."

"The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also."

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

"When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain."

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure."

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

"Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else."

"When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn."

"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."