Mark Twain

"The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read."

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect)."

"I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!"

"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's."

"A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows."

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce."

"I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!"

"Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven."

"In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them."

"Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms."

"The secret to getting ahead is getting started."

"The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters; the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell together, as quickly as possible."

"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

"The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies."