Mark Twain

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."

"I haven't any right to criticize books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone."

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man."

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce."

"The secret to getting ahead is getting started."

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

"The lack of money is the root of all evil."

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."

"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."

"Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."

"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."