humor

"The Colonel led all the cheers.Cornbread!"he screamed.CHICKEN!"the crowd responded.Rice!"PEAS!"And then, all together: "WE GOT HIGHER SATs."Hip Hip Hip Hooray!"the Colonel cried.YOU'LL BE WORKIN' FOR US SOMEDAY!"

"I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive."

"I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so."

"The Federal Government pushing drugs and then punishing marijuana growers is like the pot calling the kettle green."

"Using no control and using humor will build a relationship and make a dent to where the client puts the counselor in their quality world and then begins to relate and seek out the counselor. Effective therapy begins with the acceptance of the therapist into the client's quality world."

"I'm the warlock who's here to cure you. Didn't they tell you I was coming?""I know who you are, but..."Maia looked dazed. "You look so...so...shiny."

"A radio in a song in an ice cream cone. Two licks for free, and the third is for sale. My favorite flavor tastes like a commercial, because it’s made with 100% natural advertisement."

"There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon."

"I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one and the same."

"I'm a pretty tenacious person; I get that from my mom. So sometimes, I use dark humor. I can't take myself too seriously."

"Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all."

"Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets."

"Ad agencies do all kinds of market research that ask people what they think they want, and instead, you should be creating things that you want. If you do something and you get it, the rest of the world will get it, too. Trust your own instincts, your own intellect, and your own sense of humor."

"Karl Marx: "Religion is the opiate of the masses."Carrie Fisher: "I did masses of opiates religiously."

"Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it."

"Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek."

"A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old."

"I am in the Master of Professional Writing program teaching Humor Writing, Literary and Dramatic."

"How can a person deal with anxiety? You might try what one fellow did. He worried so much that he decided to hire someone to do his worrying for him. He found a man who agreed to be his hired worrier for a salary of $200,000 per year. After the man accepted the job, his first question to his boss was, "Where are you going to get $200,000 per year?"To which the man responded, "That's your worry."

"The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised."