humor

"Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets."

"You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt"

"The food was so good that with each passing course, our conversation devolved further into fragmented celebrations of its deliciousness:'I want this dragon carrot risotto to become a person so I can take it to Las Vegas and marry it."

"why can't you see i'm a kid', said the kid.Why try to make me like you?Why are you hurt when I don't cuddle?Why do you sigh when I splash through a puddle?Why do you scream when I do what I did?Im a kid."

"Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.'"

"Pepperonis are like edible polkadots. I made you a pizza dress, but I’m ashamed to admit I burned it. I’m afraid you’ll have to dance naked."

"We do not take humor seriously enough."

"If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever."

"Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either."

"The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock."

"If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you"signs in the world. It's impossible."

"I meet people to know I’m not alone. I network like an astronaut on the moon."

"I run like I walk—only slower. And I make love like a one-man circus show."

"I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am."

"There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it."

"I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to drink to be able to dance—I am the drink. Have a sip and find out for yourself."

"Hard at work? I’ll give you a hand—my right hand. It’s a handshake, for networking and encouragement purposes. Keep it up!"

"While I was drying off Maddie after her bath tonight, she said, 'I love you' to me for the first time. It sounded like 'All lub boo,' but I didn't care. To reciprocate, I showed her what an ex-Marine looks like when he cries."

"Look!"said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!"

"Humor can be an incredible, lacerating and effective weapon."