humor

"I felt this awful obligation to be charming or at least have something to say, and the pressure of having to be charming (or merely verbal) incapacitates me."

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent."

"I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor."

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."

"I think that humor is part of what saves us from despair."

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?"I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!"I yelled."

"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."

"Some kids get called 'bundles of joy' or 'slices of heaven' or 'dreams come true.' We got 'the fifty-fourth generation of DNA experiments.' Doesn't have the same warm and fuzzy feel. But maybe I'm oversensitive."

"They say you don't want to meet your heroes, but those two guys, you do want to meet them, because they do not disappoint. Walken has this amazing sense of humor, and Pacino is like just a sweetheart of a guy."

"You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor."

"I want to be the founder of a #startup app called Quid Pro Squid. No idea what it will do, but if I can get enough users, VC money will flow."

"Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together."

"A love story in six words: Hello. Goodbye. In between was marriage."

"From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in."

"Just move to the Internet, its great here. We get to live inside where the weather is always awesome."

"I'm all for all for one, especially when I'm the one. That's my philosophy when the dinner bill arrives at the table."

"To make my meal in a box taste better, I decided to tweak the logo, rather than the ingredients."

"I’ll wear a maze on a necklace, dangling over my chest, because if you want to get at my heart, you have to be ready to lose yourself."

"Nothing's a better cure for writer's block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton."