humor

"Let’s be romantic and dance in the rain. I’ll prove my feelings for you by bringing an umbrella, because I’m drowning in my love for you."

"I have a great mind to believe in Christianity for the mere pleasure of fancying I may be damned."

"Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back."

"Really, these wizards! You'd think no one had ever had a cold before! Well, what is it?"she asked, hobbling through the bedroom door onto the filthy carpet."I'm dying of boredom,"Howl said pathetically. "Or maybe just dying."

"Librarians are the secret masters of the world. They control information. Don't ever piss one off."

"A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock."

"THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police."

"Let's carpe the hell out of this diem."

"Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run.No!If you save somebody's life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I'm all yers."

"Life... is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast."

"'24' is a pretty serious show - there isn't a lot of improv that is happening. Having said that, I do play around with the delivery. A lot of the humor comes from playing a character who is very furious and really up in her own brain and in a serious situation. That is humorous to me."

"The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised."

"I’ll finish the bottle of wine, while you finish what you were saying about how good it is. If you waste no words, I’ll waste no time."

"Humor's a weapon if you want to make it one."

"Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)"

"People of humor are always in some degree people of genius."

"There is a crucifix, a few cloves of garlic, a wooden stake, a hammer, a blob of Silly Putty, and a pocketknife. “You do realize these people aren’t vampires, right?” I say when Sam walks back in. “Yeah, but you never know. They’re probably crazy, like you said.” “And even if we were hunting vampires, what the hell is the Silly Putty for?” He shrugs. “Just want to be prepared."

"I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under my host."