humor

"There are two ways to look at life. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone's life is entropy. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don't realize it."

"My Head of House said I lacked certain necessary qualities...like the ability to behave myself."

"Our love, that’s real. Our currency, the dollar, that’s imaginary. Invest in us, and I promise you that you won’t lose your life’s savings."

"I love puns. I've been known to turn the car around just to take advantage of a good pun situation. It really is the highest form of humor."

"Be fun! I don't like homes or rooms that don't have a sense of humor or have some sense of whimsy or a personality. Your home should reflect who you are, and what you love. I would never have something in my home because it's the thing to have. I have to love it and it needs some connection to me."

"I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go."

"No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal."

"Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor."

"A mini self-sacrifice is made when you force your heart to wait. I’ve got mine set on a timer, so I can do other things, like chase women."

"It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive."

"OK, in all seriousness, I would say I couldn't be in a relationship without equality, generosity, integrity, spirit, kindness and humor. And awesomeness."

"My books are shelved in different places, depending on the bookstore. Sometimes they can be found in the Mystery section, sometimes in the Humor department, and occasionally even in the Literature aisle, which is somewhat astounding."

"The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden history. The fruit that was forbidden was on the tree of knowledge. The subtext is, 'All the suffering you have is because you wanted to find out what was going on. You could be in the Garden of Eden if you had just kept your fucking mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions."

"What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head."

"Short fiction is like low relief. And if your story has no humor in it, then you're trying to look at something in the pitch dark. With the light of humor, it throws what you're writing into relief so that you can actually see it."

"Sigh""Did you just say sigh? out loud? instead of actually sighing?"Eye roll"

"Look!"said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!"

"The thing that makes 'Dirty Jobs' different is that it's one of the few shows that portrays work in a way that doesn't highlight the drudgery. Instead, it highlights the humor."

"Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt."

"Let's carpe the hell out of this diem."