humor

"I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?"

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."

"For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand."

"All the people who follow me on Twitter know my sense of humor. I sometimes forget the blogosphere will give it more weight than I intended."

"When humor goes, there goes civilization."

"Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet."

"V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love."

"With faith the size of a mustard seed, you can indeed move a mountain, but you can hardly be expected to garnish your sandwich."

"I have great respect for my parents. I got such beautiful things from both of them. It doesn't mean that we didn't have our rough times, but they were remarkable people who were open-minded, creative and hard-working, and had great senses of humor."

"Mary-Lynnette: "You have not read 'Pride and Prejudice'."Ash: "Why not?"Mary-Lynnette: "Because Jane Austen was a human."Ash: "How do you know?"Mary-Lynnette: "Well Jane Austen was a woman, and you're a chauvinist pig."Ash: "Yes, well, that I can't argue."

"Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor, but I always knew who was funny, who to hang out with."

"The love of truth lies at the root of much humor."

"The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks."

"Yes, I have a good sense of humor to sort of last a long time in show business, and I think to be able to find comedic value in who you are and the people that you work is always a good thing."

"It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really."

"I think hip-hop does a very good job of infusing comedy and humor and wit into music, a lot more than other genres."

"If I ever form a clan, we'll be the anti-cheerleaders and walk under the bleacher forming mild acts of mayhem."

"You haven't got a letter on yours,"George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge."

"Nine out of ten politicians are thieves. The tenth politician is a liar, and the one who conducted the survey."

"I asked if she wanted kids. She said her clock is ticking. I said, That’s because I set it five minutes ahead when you weren’t looking."