humor

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns. (Bobby Pendragon)"

"The biggest void that people can have in their lives is a sense of humor. Spending your life with someone who doesn't have that wouldn't be palatable."

"TANDAAN: mahirap mafriendzone, pero madali lang gumanti!"

"Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared."

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."

"Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core."

"I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick."

"Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?"

"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well — you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference."

"I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating."

"Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit."

"There are two ways to look at life. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone's life is entropy. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don't realize it."

"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."

"I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy."

"Writing humor for me is more like a watchful-ness. You have to watch. When you say something funny, or someone else does, it's more like you wait for the piece."

"In a totally sane society, madness is the only freedom."

"In everything I write, I'm always striving to hit the right mix of light and darkness, humor and pain, fun and seriousness."

"The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter."

"I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best."

"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."