humor

"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."

"Katsa and Po were trying to drown each other and, judging from their hoots of laughter, enjoying it immensely."

"If we're going to the Silent City, you might want to get dressed. I mean, I appreciate the bra-and-panties look, but I don't know if the Silent Brothers will. There are only a few of the left, and I don't want them to die of excitement."

"We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare.""Scrabble?"He sounds surprised. "Scrabble's great.""Not when you're playing with a family of geniuses, it's not. They all put words like 'iridiums'. And I put 'pig'."

"Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it."

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."

"Dude, I don’t want to talk about Lacey’s prom shoes. And I’ll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It’s called a penis."

"My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life."

"Every one suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known."

"Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight."

"There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'""The mood will pass, sir."

"Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset."

"I keep water in my pockets, as portable fish tanks. My love letters often get soggy with sentimentality."

"I'm not for gratuitous nudity, but if there's humor, I don't have a problem."

"If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

"I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft"is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years."

"Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over"

"I guess the sacrifice of my dignity is the only thing that will save us now. The things I endure for love. The Fates laugh at my torment."

"No single thing abides; and all things are fucked up."

"Be strong, believe in freedom and in God, love yourself, understand your sexuality, have a sense of humor, masturbate, don't judge people by their religion, color or sexual habits, love life and your family."