humor

"I went to Hallmark, but they don’t sell corridors there. I did, however, find a card that perfectly summed up our relationship. The card was blank."

"Your as slow as a fat kid on crutches"

"It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?"

"I'm not for gratuitous nudity, but if there's humor, I don't have a problem."

"My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health."

"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity."

"Seventeen, eh!"said Hagrid as he accepted a bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred."Six years to the day we met, Harry, d’yeh remember it?""Vaguely,"said Harry, grinning up at him. "Didn’t you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig’s tail, and tell me I was a wizard?""I forge’ the details,"Hagrid chortled."

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

"Tyson- "Cash? Like...green paper?"Percy- "Yeah."Tyson- "Like the kind in duffel bags?"Percy-"Yeah, but we lost those bags days a-g-g--.""Tyson! How did you--"Tyson- "Thought it was a feed bag for Rainbow. Found it floating in sea, but only paper inside. Sorry."

"Nothing like a little judicious levity."

"If I shot an arrow and thought about an ass, would it surprise you if it hit Erik?"

"I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter."(Letter 16, 1657)"

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."

"We have a certain warped sense of humor in Scandinavia, and that is what comes across in the choices in a lot of our movies."

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?"I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!"I yelled."

"Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental."

"I think my sense of humor is Jewish. I'm smarter than most white people, which is kind of a Jewish thing, too."

"I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here."

"V shook his head. “Remember what you saw in that clearing, cop? How’d you like that anywhere near a female you loved?”Butch put down the Bud without drinking from it. His eyes traveled over Rhage’s body.“We’re going to need a shitload of steel,” the human muttered."

"It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay."- China Sorrows -"