humor

"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."

"Civilization is vastly overrated."

"It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death.""Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it's a gigantic cake-"

"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."

"Falling in love is painful on the knees."

"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."

"This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here."

"When I was young, my favorite picture book was 'Fletcher and Zenobia,' written by Edward Gorey and illustrated by Victoria Chess. It's long out of print now, but its mix of macabre humor and 1960s psychedelia made it a perfect children's book for the times."

"You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school.""Oh I believe it,"I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker's combination and tried to get into it with an axe.No one was really sure where she'd gotten it from."

"Tomorrow was my second chance to make things right but it never came. I’m sorry I never treasured the time we had for those regrets I take the blame. You gave everything you had. I took without giving back.” Sed paused in his song, feeling ridiculous for singing it to her while they made love.“Baby, you realize this song is about Trey’s dead dog, don’t you?"

"We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor."

"It's not like there's a law against flying.""Yes there is. The law of gravity."

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

"Men love it. They have a sense of humor, whereas a lot of women are threatened or just don't get it."

"You're such a pain in the ass. (Butch) Said the SIG to the Glock. (V)"

"I love a man with a great sense of humor and who is intelligent - a man who has a great smile. He has to make me laugh. I like a man who is very ambitious and driven and who has a good heart and makes me feel safe. I like a man who is very strong and independent and confident - that is very sexy - but at the same time, he's very kind to people."

"One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides."

"I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand."

"I asked if she wanted kids. She said her clock is ticking. I said, That’s because I set it five minutes ahead when you weren’t looking."