humor

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."

"Don't talk to me.""Why not?""Because I want to fix that in my memory for ever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."

"Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?"

"I’m forever near a stereo saying, ‘What the fuck is this garbage?’ And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers."

"Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die."

"Her name is Brienne,"Jaime said. "Brienne, the maid of Tarth. You are still maiden, I hope?"Her broad homely face turned red. "Yes.""Oh, good,"Jaime said. "I only rescue maidens."

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."

"It's amazing how these little guys can say things that a mortal human could never get away with. There's some sort of unspoken license... when outlandish things come out of an inanimate object, somehow it equals humor."

"Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables."

"When tragedy hits close to home, like your neighbor’s house, it really makes you stop and think. And while you’re thinking, I’ll be speeding off in the getaway car."

"It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes."

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."

"When two people are cuddled close, they can really warm up one burrito. It may take all night, but I like my cheese melted. #CuddleChampion"

"I had a dream about you. You took a cruise, and I took a canoe. I paddled alongside your ship out into the Atlantic Ocean and down to the Caribbean. I shouted “I love you” the whole way, but you couldn’t hear me, probably because that man you were with was talking the whole time."

"Some people have lives; some people have music."

"When you say a friend has a sense of humor do you mean that he makes you laugh, or that he can make you laugh?"

"Humor's an excellent way to make a point more palatable and/or relatable."

"Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there."