humor

"I pet horses and ride cats, because I’m a cowman. I’m too mature to be a cowboy."

"Humor, for me, is really a gate of departure. It's a way of enticing a reader into a poem so that less funny things can take place later. It really is not an end in itself, but a means to an end."

"Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die."

"I rode an elevator with a guy who was whistling the tune of 'this is the song that never ends'. Putting that on me? Come on dude.."

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria."

"I love Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart because they're bringing irony back into American humor, which is a delicious treat. The entire Colbert persona of being extreme right-wing when he's not at all is highly amusing. He does it so well, but sometimes a little too well. My wife is convinced he's completely that way."

"Writing is not for me. I completely lose my sense of humor when I write. I become extremely pathetic, very sensational. Images give me possibilities that I don't have with words."

"This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here."

"A boy is naturally full of humor."

"Why on earth would you buy a car like this if you can't drive a stick? There are dozens of cars--new cars--that have automatic transmission. It'd be a million times easier."Adrian shrugged. "I like the color. It matches my living room."

"…well just call me Hannibal Lecter. With cleavage."

"I drive as fast as four tire swings hanging from a tree branch in the middle of winter. I also make love with as much speed and rotation."

"On a scale of 1 to extroverted, I’m a 3.14159. So is pi. I network like “the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter.” Thanks, Wikipedia!"

"Humor is very interesting to me. My films are not comedies, but there's comedy in them from time to time, absurdities, just like in real life."

"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

"I love when my cat crushes his forehead into mine like my skull is an empty beer can. But it’s not—there’s still a sip left."

"Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god."

"An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup."

"Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?""I give.""You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog."