humor

"Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that."

"I love the sound of the trees in the breeze. If the forest is so clearly musical, why can’t it play the guitar while I sing Nirvana covers?"

"She held up her calloused, grimy fingers. Leo couldn't help thinking there was nothing hotter than a girl who didn't mind getting her hands dirty. But of course, that was just a general comment. Didn't apply to Calypso. Obviously."

"The philosopher Diogenes was eating bread and lentils for supper. He was seen by the philosopher Aristippus, who lived comfortably by flattering the king. Said Aristippus, 'If you would learn to be subservient to the king you would not have to live on lentils.'Said [author:Diogenes|3213618, 'Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king"."

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends."

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."

"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires."

"Both conservatives and liberals watch 'Parks and Recreation,' and they each think the show is for them, which is really cool. 'SNL' was totally different. It was exciting because everyone was paying attention. Political humor works when people know what you're talking about."

"An Unbreakable Vow?"said Ron, looking stunned. "Nah, he can’t have.... Are you sure?""Yes I’m sure,"said Harry. "Why, what does it mean?""Well, you can’t break an Unbreakable Vow...""I’d worked that much out for myself, funnily enough."

"The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don’t even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it."

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

"A lot about Congress is about forming good working relationships with people, and humor can really help you do that."

"This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here."

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time."

"Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me.""Do you mean you want a secretary or something?""No, I'm asking you to marry me, you little fool."

"Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I'm the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!!Rukia: Wha--wha'd you say? A rescuer isn't supposed to ignore the rescuee!Ichigo: Yeah? And what kind of rescuee complains about the rescue!? Why don't you go sit in a corner and tremble in fear and cry out "Save me! Save me!"like you're supposed to?!Rukia: I do not need saving, and I do NOT tremble!"

"That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery."