#humor

"Movies [10w] Movies were invented to sellbuttery snacks and sugary drinks"

"God May Grant Your Wishes Daily [10w] Pray for sunshine at night and moonbeams when you wake."

"A tree with red leaves is like an old man with gray hair. Likewise, my love for you was blue, but now it’s orange, and that’s a compliment."

"Humble Wishes [10w] "God, all I simply ask is that I become perfect."

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."

"We all long for something. Midgets long to be long, but I long to belong."

"Yes, boys are a little like shoes. Why? Well...They can be useful. But mainly...They are nice to look at. Getting the right one can be a lovely accessory to an outfit. There are times when you couldn't do without them. And there are times when you'd rather do without them. Get the wrong ones and they can hurt. There are many types and often the ones that look the nicest are completely unpractical."

"He specialized in the murder of dreams, Hazel Grace..."

"The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised."

"William Hurt has a painful last name. Kevin Love has a name perfect for February 14th. But what about Johnny Longdong? Where does he fit?"

"I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay with that, because it's who I am, and you're what I need."

"Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up."

"As I nodded and smiled and umm-hmm'd and oh, my'd my way down the drive, I wondered if boys had any sort of magazine that told them how to attract women and, if so, did it ever tell them to put the girls' interests first?"

"Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god."

"The Phenomenon of Life {Couplet} The potter's some man of clay who's molding clay,a robot making an automaton;Every day we recreate ourselves from what bricks we're made,how wondrous life's phenomenon!"

"Poets Be Realists! Poets be realists!It's O.K. to keep your jobs ~just don't quit your day dreams."

"Treat'em Like a Dishtowel (⌣́,⌣̀)⇝♥⇜(^◡^ ) [10w] "If I wring you out will you wring me back?"

"Confucius vs. Confusion [10w] Confucius says if pussy smell like fish change the bait."

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"Love and Death [10w] A person who lives without love chooses death by default."