#humor

"They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people."

"The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience."

"Cheeses crusty, got all musty, got damp on the stone of a peach,” I agreed. He looked blank, so I repeated it with proper emphasis. “ ChEEZ-zes crusty. Got Al -musty. Got DAMp on the StoneofapeaCH."

"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."

"I’d have been dead a long time ago if not for my friends, one of whom had just jumped off the cliff after me. I’d have been a lot more appreciative if he hadn’t pushed me first."~Cassandra Palmer"

"This has to be the most self-centered thing I've ever said, but no, I think you just wanted to vex me."

"A little part of me dies every time I try to commit suicide. If life is a buffet, I’m still in the mac and cheese phase. Maybe one day I’ll mature into more of a meatloaf kind of guy."

"Electricity is really just organized lightning"

"If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?"

"And I, Nephi, took one of the daughters of Ishmael to wife.' Well Mr. Go-And-Do just went and did!"

"Moment of Truth 'Moment of truth' is derived fromthe Spanish momento de la verdad, that Hemingway epiphanous moment when the matador is about to kill the bull. Now it means the moment you realize you won't make it back to the parking meter before it expires ~sometimes expressed as, Motherfucker!"

"Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity."

"The very first thing I tell my new students on the first day of a workshop is that good writing is about telling the truth. We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are. Sheep lice do not seem to share this longing, which is one reason they write so very little. But we do. We have so much we want to say and figure out."

"Oh! to shoot for the stars if feels right. Aim for my heart if it feels right."

"You look like the vamp who bled the cat."

"I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote"so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote."

"Quit making shade while I’m trying to make noon. Go put on a blindfold and act like midnight. There’s leftover love in the freezer if you get cold."

"Poetry Trek: 'To Boldly Go Where No man Has Gone Before' A poet must get into spaceship every dayand launch himself into metaphorical space."

"Kira: L, do you knowGods of deathlove apples?L: Damn you, Kira..."

"Yes, boys are a little like shoes. Why? Well...They can be useful. But mainly...They are nice to look at. Getting the right one can be a lovely accessory to an outfit. There are times when you couldn't do without them. And there are times when you'd rather do without them. Get the wrong ones and they can hurt. There are many types and often the ones that look the nicest are completely unpractical."