#humor

"good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere"

"A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought."

"Pizza is circular. So is an hour. I’ll take two slices—to go."

"Who Am I "I don't know who I am whenI'm not the person who loves you."

"I've got a theory, it could be bunnies...I've got a theor-Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposesThey've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.And what's with all the carrots-?What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?Bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies!...or maybe midgets..."

"A witch, a vampire, and a pixy walk into a bar, I thought as I led the way into the Squirrel’s End. It was early, and the sun had yet to set when the door swung shut behind Jenks, sealing us in the warm air smelling faintly of smoke. Immediately Nick yanked it open to come in behind us. And there’s the punch line."

"If I Were God [10w] If I were God I'd sell my shit on Ebay."

"New York City [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet} In fast-paced New York Cityeven the bubbling brooks babble.The Hudson and East River run rabid,skirting the rabble"

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."

"It took less than an hour to make the atoms, a few hundred million years to make the stars and planets, but five billion years to make man!"

"Buddha (Haiku) Buddha, Enlightened,I rub your belly to blessmy Lotto ticket."

"My Brooklyn Childhood [10w] "Motherfucker! I gotta put more goddamn change in the swear-jar."

"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

"This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you."

"Lawful good to lawful evil!"said Simon, pleased."He's quoting Dungeons and Dragons,"said Clary. "Ignore him."

"Silver is an investment. It’s like a second-place future. Makes me want to create Michael Phelps-flavored ice cream and eat a whole tub."

"There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do."

"I’m half chameleon, half camouflage, and wholly in love with you, though you’d never be able to see it."

"Witticisms The greatest reward for coming up with some witty turn of phraseis that some day, if you're lucky,it may wind up in a fortune cookieat the very Chinese restaurant you're eating in!But if you get a big head about it,know it wasn't the flattery,it was the MSG."

"I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact."