#humor

"I have rubbed shoulders with the rich, the powerful, and the armless. It’s how to network when handshakes aren’t an option."

"I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine."

"Mercy vs. Revenge "May God have mercy on my unfaithful, back-stabbing, adulterous husband because I sure as hell won't."

"Jace's eyes sparkled, but he said calmly, "Not at all. the Silent Brothers can help her retrieve her memories.""You hate the Silent Brothers,"protested Isabelle."I don't hate them,"said Jace candidly."I'm afraid of them. It's not the same thing.""I thought you said they were libarians,"said Clary."They are librarians."Simon whistled. "Those must be some killer late fees."

"Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."

"Instead of committing suicide, people go to work."

"The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options."

"Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."Myles: "In Paris."Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?"Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?"Myles: "I agree with simple-toon."Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'"Beckett: "Itchy what?"

"I mined my mind, and I found no love. My heart is where excavation yields gold, and if you dig me as much as I dig you, we can both get rich."

"Frank didn’t drop you on purpose,” she said. “He’s not like that. He’s just a little clumsy sometimes.”“Oops,” Leo said, in his best Frank Zhang voice. “Dropped Leo into a squad of enemy soldiers. Dang it!"

"Revel in the Unraveling Being authentic is lifting the maskon who you think you should be seen as,and becoming at ease with your bare ass vulnerability.Revel in the unraveling,take courage in sharing your imperfections,and you'llincrease your loveexponentially."

"Hell's holy stars and freaking stones shit bells."

"So. You get handed a holy sword by an archangel, told to go fight the forces of evil, and you somehow remain an atheist. Is that what you're saying?"

"How do you feel, Georgie?"whispered Mrs. Weasley.George's fingers groped for the side of his head."Saintlike,"he murmured."What's wrong with him?"croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?""Saintlike,"repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?"

"The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse"

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."

"Don't Mess with the Queen {Couplet} The first man harnessing the secrets of fireCannot compare with the revelation of your sovereign ire."

"If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

"Time Time waits for no man ~but for hot women Time makes exceptions."

"Love with all your heart. And the rest of your body. Oh, and your mind, too."