#humor

"I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops."

"Consciousness-Driven Evolution circa 60,000 B.C. Random genetic mutation allowed homo sapiens to compete more successfully for food and mating rights. Just listen to girl chatter posted on the cave walls:"Boy, Uggh is hot. He's sentient!""Yeah. He doesn't need a club to get my attention."

"It is a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word."

"Pretending to be Deep ;) [10w] Only from the mountain's valley can you see the peak."

"They ought to make it a binding clause that if you find God you get to keep Him."

"You don’t know her like I do, because you don’t know her like I don’t. It’s true, I don’t know her at all. What’s she like?"

"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."

"I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers."

"New Year's Revolving Door [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet} 2015's revolution commences with the overthrow of New Year's resolution.Seek not absolutionfor our weak character's immune to evolution."

"The Book of Life, I’m still writing it—both literally and literarily. So far I’ve written the Table of Contents. Right now it’s more of a coffee table."

"A Real Passionate Kiss Should Feel Like Dying [10w] Like ice melting into water coming to a rolling boil."

"If your dreams seem to be drifting away, wake up!"

"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess."

"Boasting vs. Toasting [10w] + {Couplet} What many call boasting to my success I call toasting."

"When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls."

"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."

"Intelligent men are dangerous."

"There's More Than Two Choices [10w] Don't take the road less traveled;blaze your own path."

"It is harder to crack prejudice than an atom."

"Male egos require constant stroking. Every task is an achievement, every success epic. That is why women cook, but men are chefs: we make cheese on toast, they produce pain de fromage."