#humor

"Everyone knows revenge is a dish best served when you've had enough time to build up enough vitriol and fury."

"Mongolian, Temeenii'malgai The small fuzzy hat worn by camels that cross the Gobi desert. Usually stolen by natives of Ulaanbaatar for the groom's hat at weddings. The fuzz on the hat smells so bad that the groom is temporarily blinded and can't see how ugly the bride looks until it's too late."

"Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?"

"I need a Caution: Slippery When Wet sign, because I just spilled my ego all over the floor."

"If you see me pushing a wheelbarrow full of animal balloons up a hill, it may be a Zen koan, or it may be buy two get a third for FREE."

"2 Rules on Becoming a Good Poet [10w] Rule#1: Never write shitty poetry.Rule#2: Never forget Rule #1."

"I only know everything if you ask the right questions."

"TANDAAN: mahirap mafriendzone, pero madali lang gumanti!"

"Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back."

"Detonation vs. Pre-Ignition [10w] Poets have thin skins;physicists call this differential burn rates."

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."

"Charlie whistled "Amazing Grace"as he drove. It was all I could do not to whip my head around and snap, Are you kidding me? Couldn't he pick something more appropriate, like "Shout at the Devil"or "Don't fear the Reaper"? Some people had no sense of the proper music for a kidnapping."

"If Marilyn Monroe was alive right now, what would she be doing?'Clawing at the roof of her coffin."

"I leave my door locked and unlocked. You know, for stopportunities. As a lover, I’ve been known—and unknown—to be like Zeno."

"Will you walk into my parlour?"said the Spider to the Fly"

"There's a difference between preferring books to parties and preferring sixteen cats to seeing the light of day."

"That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy."Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things."But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror."I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?"Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me."

"It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death.""Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it's a gigantic cake-"

"In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language."

"Nursing Homes [10w] Nursing homes are house haunted by the living and half-dead."