#humor

"Gifts Never look a gift horse in the assor a donkey in the mouth."

"We spend money that we do not have, on things we do not need, to impress people who do not care."

"You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.IT'S EDUCATIONAL.'What if she cuts herself?'THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON."

"This book was written using 100% recycled words."

"How in the name of Merlin's pants have you managed to get your hands on those Horcrux books?"

"Intelligent men are dangerous."

"This is a mournful discovery.1)Those who agree with you are insane2)Those who do not agree with you are in power."

"The Poet as Enchantress [10w] + {Couplet} The poet is an enchantress,with or without a dress."

"Discrete vs. Discreet Moonlight falls upon my feet,beyond the sun's overwrought conceit.I'm painted pristine white, without the heat;reflection's cool reflection~ how discreet!"

"WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.)."

"That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!"

"You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down."

"Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!"

"You won't even take your bow? Are you planning to throttle a moose with your bare hands, then?""I've a knife in my boot,"she said, and then wondered, for a moment, if she could throttle a moose with her bare hands."

"I’m learning to play the saxophone so when you feel lonely I can come over and stand in the shadows and play it for you. Two is one too lonely for me."

"Give me some sugar."

"I don’t like breakfast, because I like things fixed and slow. Let’s just take our relationship morning by morning."

"I'm all for all for one, especially when I'm the one. That's my philosophy when the dinner bill arrives at the table."

"Death didn't bother me much. Strong Christian and all that. Method of death did. Being eaten alive. One of my top three ways not to go out."

"I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk."