#humor

"Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool."

"First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend"

"Nature's Prayer [10w] + {Couplet} Trees gesticulate in morning prayer;wind circulates with cleansing air."

"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."

"Caliph Vathek and his dark hordeAre bound for Hell, you won’t be bored!Your faith in me will be restored—Unless this token you find untowardAnd my poor gift you have ignored."

"Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates."

"Only a fool would say they’re not a fool. Well, I am not a fool, which is why I say I am a fool."

"More than anything."Rob persisted. "You'd crawl on your belly over broken glass for her. Easy."

"You like them,"I realized.Noah's eyebrows lifted in question."Like as people.""As opposed to...furniture?""They're my PARENTS.""That is my understanding, yes."

"Are you sleepwalking?' A voice asked behind me. "I was testing dorm security,"I said. "It sucks."

"Bad news, Harry. I've just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She – er, got a bit shirty with me. Told me I'd got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about staying alive. Just because I told her I didn't care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch first."

"We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage'. I believe the technical term is being an ass."

"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."

"Everything will turn out right, the world is built on that."

"If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it."

"Deadlines The only deadline I plan on missing is the one at the cemetery."

"2D or Not 2D [10w] The best thing about a two-dimensional world is nobody's fat."

"Hey,"said Shadow. "Huginn or Muninn, or whoever you are."The bird turned, head tipped, suspiciously, on one side, and it stared at him with bright eyes."Say 'Nevermore,'"said Shadow."Fuck you,"said the raven."

"The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty."

"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."