#humor

"Bridges [10w] Bridges are overpasses for commuters and roofs for the homeless."

"I was kind of excited to go to jail for the first time and I learnt some great dialogue."

"Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake."

"DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH."

"I’ve never cheated on a lover. I’m faithful, always. But the war comes before anyone’s feelings. Every time.”Wow. Battle before love. Without a doubt, he was the most unromantic male she’d ever met. Even more so than her great-grandfather, who had laughingly burned her great-grandmother to death after she’d given birth to Gwen’s grandmother."

"You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It's really funny."

"I love these pet names,"she said, gazing soulfully up into his eyes, "Nitwit. Sap skull. Termagant. How they make my heart flutter!"

"Kira: L, do you knowGods of deathlove apples?L: Damn you, Kira..."

"I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round. Always something going on."

"She looked so sexy with her sixteen cats that I just had to swipe right, but when she messaged me first quoting Monty Python, I knew it was Tinder love. Maybe on the first date we’ll knit the blanket we’ll make love under."

"Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)"

"My Secret for Out-of-the-Box-Thinking To help me writein my signature out-of-the-box style,I sit in front of my humidifier that I've filled up with Grey Goose vodka.My humidifier is now at Underwriters Laboratoriesin a 12-Step Programand buddied up with a de-humidifier."

"Personal branding is crucial in today's society. Just remember to wait until the metal is red hot before pressing it into your flesh."

"The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don’t even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it."

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

"Blackjack,"Percy said, "this is Piper and Jason. They're friends."The horse nickered."Uh, maybe later,"Percy answered.Piper had heard that Percy could speak to horses, being the son of the horse lord Poseidon, but she'd never seen it in action."What does Blackjack want?"she asked."Donuts,"Percy said. "Always donuts."

"You're not a woman,"he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair!"

"You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I’ll also be late."

"Those guys who want to have the Mohawk...which, to me, is the new business casual."