#humor

"The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues."

"Carlsberg: Probably the best lager in the world... ...just like IKEA is the best furniture on earth."

"Love speaks to the heart like a mime to a mute."

"Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?"

"Are you insinuatin' that my daughter is a liar?""Oh, no, not at all. I'm saying your daughter is a liar. Surely you can appreciate the difference."

"If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead."

"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."

"Visual Pun [10w] Example of visual pun:cloud shaped like a banana peel."

"They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered."

"Ars Poetica: Dovetailing Collage [10w] Poems should be a dovetailing collage not a linear cohesion."

"A Frog in my Throat I had me frog in my throat.I swallowed hard and it croaked.Tasted like shit.Next time I get me a frog in my throat,my snooty French boyfriend better wash his dick with soap."

"I’m an only child, and therefore I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t even be parents."

"I grew a garden in her heart. There was plenty of space for flowers, because her heart was completely empty of love."

"So."[Isobel] cleared her throat. "What are we doing?""We,"[Varen] said at last, "are doing a project on Poe.""Didn't he marry his cousin or something?""The man is a literary god and that's all you have to say?"

"Sixty is the New Fifty The good news is sixty is the new fifty.The bad news is twenty is the new ten."

"Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes."

"A crossbow?” Pigeon asked.I left my battle-ax in my other jeans,” the man said."

"Notoriety vs. Anonymity [10w] 'Tis better to live with notoriety,than die of anonymity."

"Taste [10w] + [10w] "If you have sophisticated taste, you like what I like.If you're a Neanderthal, you will love what I hate."

"Did He Do the Right Thing? I walked out of the room. I did not stay to watch my beloved draw her last breath because I didn't want all my magical memories of her tainted by the profanity of death."