#humor

"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."

"A starving man asleep dreams of food, and even a crumb becomes a feast. When you’re hungry for affection even a no is better than being ignored."

"Check out that one at the end. He's taken the form of a footstool. Weird...but somehow I like his style.""That is a footstool."

"Lying in bed listless, I wrote a list. I then had a list, but I was still listless. Perhaps because my list was of all the things I love, and every entry was you."

"We're going to knock those demons out and slay them with the power of Jesus. Hallelujah, can I get an amen?- Timmie"

"Something about being rejected at Church Camp felt so much more awful than being rejected at school."

"Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing."

"Two Dust Storms or A Nice Pair of Haboobs A palm tree passes through a sandstorm, shakingoff the dusty rain like a wet dogon the less fortunate wayfarersburied in the sand."

"Talking to Myself I used to talk to myself until myself criticized myself.Now I'm giving myself the silent treatment."

"At the potluck, I brought two dishes: knowledge and mashed potatoes and gravy. Guess which one got cleaned out and which one hardly got touched."

"Like a shot from a movie, the morning sun shone brilliantly around him like a god—his dark hair glinted warmly in the light, and his eyes gleamed bluer than the south Pacific Ocean.Taylor's mind went blank. And suddenly, she couldn't remember why the hell she ever had been angry with Jason Andrews.But then he spoke."Sleeping in this morning, Ms. Donovan?"he drawled.Moment over."

"A Chuck Yeager Moment {Couplet} There's a sonic boom resonating in my head as I break through the 2000 HP follower watershed."

"My own opinion is enough for me, and I claim the right to have it defended against any consensus, any majority, anywhere, any place, any time. And anyone who disagrees with this can pick a number, get in line, and kiss my ass."

"I’ve only been in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky finger. I could have held up my index finger, but I wasn’t in love that long."

"Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective people."

"One Size Fits All Life Strategy Smile first.Ask questions later."

"I sell soap. Buy two bars and get a FREE shower. (Water not included.) Act within the next 15 minutes and I’ll even throw in the towel. I quit!"

"She seemed to be a nice person, too, instead of a homicidal bitch like his former wife. Otherwise, the world should fear. When Mencheres fell for a woman, he fell hard. If Kira asked for her own continent as a birthday present, Mencheres would probably have one conquered for her before she blew out her candles."

"The Unspoken Speaks Volumes Stillness brackets the exchanges between lovers. Itis not the lack of sound, but an encapsulated silenceof resonance. Resonant silences stand like bookends, embracing their thoughts;though formal pleasantries vibrate the air,they are more ritual than communication.The couples true intents are articulated in the unspoken.Two bodies.One soul."

"I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in."