#humor

"What is grand is necessarily obscure to weak men. That which can be made explicit to the idiot is not worth my care."

"I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round. Always something going on."

"We are not going to die."Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. "We're not?""No. And do you know why?"He shook his head. "Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I'm too stubborn to die."I hauled on the shirt even harder. "And most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die."

"What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize."

"I should open up a dry cleaners/pizza parlor. Extra Stain Sauce will be free, but removing it out of your clothes will cost you."

"I lost my faith in my faithlessness. I believe I’m a nonbeliever now."

"Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island"could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves."

"People can do great things. However, there are some things they just CAN'T do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort."

"After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”“You do have that effect on people."

"She should've interviewed Snape,"said Harry grimly. "He'd give her the goods on me any day. "Potter has been crossing lines ever since he first arrived at this school..."

"If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office."

"The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away."

"I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay with that, because it's who I am, and you're what I need."

"Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator."

"Beer has that Olympic medal color,” Rot replied, “but does it have a winning taste? I’d hardly call silver a champion flavor. No, I’ll stick to my red wine."

"The sides of buildings should be like the tops of lakes. I’d fish through your window hoping to catch a smile."

"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."

"Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core."

"Playing with fire Kitten?"

"Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks... then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get. It's really not even fair to everyone else."