#humor

"Invisible things are the only realities."

"Okay, God, I thought. Get me out of this and I’ll stop my half-assed church-going ways. You got me past a pack of Strigoi tonight. I mean, trapping that one between the doors really shouldn't have worked, so clearly you're on board. Let me get out of here, and I’ll...I don’t know. Donate Adrian’s money to the poor. Get baptized. Join a convent. Well, no. Not that last one."

"An Unbreakable Vow?"said Ron, looking stunned. "Nah, he can’t have.... Are you sure?""Yes I’m sure,"said Harry. "Why, what does it mean?""Well, you can’t break an Unbreakable Vow...""I’d worked that much out for myself, funnily enough."

"A fridge will keep your steaks fresh, but keeping a live cow in grandmother’s room will keep the meat fresher. Let this be a lesson in love."

"Sometimes the only way to succeed is to fail backwards"

"While I was drying off Maddie after her bath tonight, she said, 'I love you' to me for the first time. It sounded like 'All lub boo,' but I didn't care. To reciprocate, I showed her what an ex-Marine looks like when he cries."

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead."

"Just about a month from now I'm set adrift, with a diploma for a sail and lots of nerve for oars."

"I'm so popular in life that valets are already starting to park the cars lined up for my funeral, which is expected sometime late 2082. #OutBoastKanye"

"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."

"This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid."

"She frowned at me. "You need some rest. You look like hell. And you're obviously tired enough to have gotten the giggles."Wizards don't giggle,"I said, hardly able to speak. "This is cackling."

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here."

"If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes."

"Would Crazy Horse have spent this much to remodel a kitchen?"

"To be invisible, paint yourself with the direct shade of zero. Leave nothing to chance, by taking nothing with you wherever you go."

"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it."

"Meow” means “woof” in cat."

"Noseless and Handless, the Lannister Boys."