#humor

"I had a dream about you. You were storing my brain in a pickle jar in the fridge, and I only discovered it when I went to garnish my hamburger. Mindless and hungry, I was a US politician’s ideal voter."

"I’m going to go out on a limb and say that’s the best place to hang a noose. More politicians need to be sticking their necks out for us."

"Erre es korakas, Blinky!"Dionysus cursed. "I will have your soul!"

"In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!"

"What’s the opposite of start? Would the average person think stop or finish? The answer may reflect the difference between a winner and a loser."

"You're only a man! You've not our gifts! I can tell you! Why, a woman can think of a hundred different things at once, all them contradictory!"

"Down with tyranny!' Bramble cried. 'Aristocracy! Autocracy! Monocracy! Other ocracy things! You are outnumbered, sir! Surrender!"

"I'm sober. Yessiree, I quit drinking. I haven't had a beer in four hours. Now I just need some coffee and to get drunk on love poetry."

"Personal branding is important to me as a person. It’s also important to me as a non-person. I am a rock."

"Fashion [10w] Clothes makes the man.Fashion, above all, makes the President."

"We are not going to die."Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. "We're not?""No. And do you know why?"He shook his head. "Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I'm too stubborn to die."I hauled on the shirt even harder. "And most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die."

"Avery If a boy named Avery marries a girl named Avery,will they name or just label their children?"

"If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract...-- Rhett"

"Inconceivable!""You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"In the end, everything is a gag."

"I'm as pure as the driven slush."

"To those who care about punctuation, a sentence such as "Thank God its Friday"(without the apostrophe) rouses feelings not only of despair but of violence. The confusion of the possessive "its"(no apostrophe) with the contractive "it's"(with apostrophe) is an unequivocal signal of illiteracy and sets off a Pavlovian "kill"response in the average stickler."

"I had a dream about you last night.. You thought you were a candy vampire, you were standing in the sun screaming 'I'm melting."

"I don't like it when I outweigh my men."

"There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t"