#humor

"The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes."

"Procrastinate now, don't put it off."

"Slumber party with Dracula, all things considerd why not?"

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."

"Microwavable ice cream is the future. Don’t wait for love to melt all over your crotch. Scoop some Ice Cream Soup today."

"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."

"I went for a walk this morning because the evening was still asleep. Well technically so was I, but that didn’t stop me from exercising."

"You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen."

"When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles......they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle."

"Love's War [10w] In love's war there aren't winners and losers ~just casualties."

"Holly's theory about the army,"Sharon explained.And what is it?"Denise asked, intrigued.Oh, that fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

"There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon."

"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess."

"Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them."

"What is the Meaning of Life? [10w] {3} To create its meaning every day we live and love."

"Fucking 3rd World Taxi Drivers [10w] Taxi drivers have ruined more vacations than tsunamis or earthquakes."

"With no reason to hide these words I feel, and no reason to talk about the books I read, but still, I do."

"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."

"Say This to Her/Him and Just See What Happens... *I want to kiss you in places I've never kissed you before."

"Keep Your Day Job Bitch [10w] + {Couplet} If you've guessed that I'm blessed,augury ain't your strawberry."