#humor

"Some people grow cotton, while I have a t-shirt farm. The rainy season is when I get the most visitors."

"I know a thing or two about love. Well, maybe just a thing. A big, blurry thing, like Bigfoot."

"Older doesn't necessarily mean wiser. Some trees live to be hundreds of years old, and what the fuck do they know?"

"Spreading Yourself Too Thin We tend to bite off more than we can chewbecause we've got big mouths."

"Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off."

"When you're here, I'm there for you. And when you're there, I'm here for you."

"Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island"could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves."

"I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know."

"And it's Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle— Flint alongside her —poke him in the eye, Angelina —it was a joke, professor, it was a joke..."

"Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance."

"While Owen and Miles talk sports, I people watch. And this is what I see: teenagers trying to act like adults. Or how they think adults act. But mostly they look ridiculous, and I wonder what they don't want to do something that's more fun than drinking, smoking, flirting, and making out. Why are those activities considered to be fun?"

"In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!"

"Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes."

"FEAR stands for fuck everything and run."

"Enigmatic Real Estate I choose to live on the edge of mysterywith its inscrutable view of complexityhedged by perplexity.Also, there's a Walmart nearby."

"At the potluck, I brought two dishes: knowledge and mashed potatoes and gravy. Guess which one got cleaned out and which one hardly got touched."

"You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working."Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab."Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!"Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!"

"Amazon.com Amazon.com is the Church of Consumer Capitalismwhose ethics demands we know the price of everything,the value of absolutely nothing of true moral valueand most importantly ~Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought."

"You're such a pain in the ass. (Butch) Said the SIG to the Glock. (V)"

"Leadership is being the first to put others second. Wait, that’s not right. That’s politics."