#humor

"When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth."

"I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train."

"So why in the name of Merlin’s saggy left —”“Don’t talk to your mother like that."

"It came charging toward me, several hundred pounds of angry-looking monster, and I did the only thing any reasonable wizard could have done.I turned around and ran like hell."

"His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action."

"Love means never having to say you’re sorry for a minor stab wound."

"My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house."

"I had a dream about you. We were running on the beach, holding hands. It was a nude beach, but we were the only ones wearing clothes. You wore a bikini, and I wore my dead grandma’s dress—with my grandma still in it."

"I'm Not Skidaddling Down That Slippery Slope First you let sleeping dogs lie,next you allow all pets to prevaricate."

"Pranks vs school= pranks win all day"

"Geez, you guys. I know I'm popular and all, but seriously, you're a bit too co-dependent for me. I'm going to need you to step away from my personal bubble."A wispy vine-woman curled ivy tendrils around his arm, and he sliced through them with his dagger. "No! Bad Wraith! No touchie!"

"The harmonica has musical wind, and is the breath of soul. It’s like a sad, lonely I love you lost in the breeze."

"The trick to looking ageless is drinking 55 gallons of #FlashBangWowFuzz every 4-6 hours. 24-hour discounts available."

"There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants."

"As soon as you cross the county line into where all the wealthier people live, the weather is suddenly sunnier and warmer. Even at night."

"Mistletoe,"said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it. "Good thinking,"said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles."

"One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides."

"Too many abused beers have suffered in the name of networking. Let us find a better way to mix torture and business."

"You cannot be buried in obscurity: you are exposed upon a grand theater to the view of the world. If your actions are upright and benevolent, be assured they will augment your power and happiness."

"In this dirty minded world, you are either someone's wife or someone's whore. And if you're not either people think there is something wrong with you....but there is nothing wrong with me"