#humor

"Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war.""The plant war,"Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?"

"This is the best night of my life,"Raffy says, crying."Raffy, half our House has burnt down,"I say wearily. "We don't have a kitchen.""Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?"she asks. "We can double up in our rooms and have a barbecue every night like the Cadets."Silently I vow to keep Raffy around for the rest of my life."

"I love new clothes. If everyone could just wear new clothes everyday, I reckon depression wouldn’t exist anymore."

"I never fail. It's just that the people around me succeed more than I."

"River Mountain Ocean [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet} Rivers delight in their flow;Mountains savor their snow.But oceans are in concurrencetheir contentment comes from recurrence."

"I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while,"he grunted, "It relaxes me.""It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably."

"Take off your shirt."Jace raised his eyebrows. "I'm not going to attack you,"she said impatiently. "I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning.""Are you sure?"he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. "Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me."

"It's never just a game when you're winning."

"Good planning is important. I've also regarded a sense of humor as one of the most important things on a big expedition. When you're in a difficult or dangerous situation, or when you're depressed about the chances of success, someone who can make you laugh eases the tension."

"If I saw a hitchhiker wearing a tie-dyed shirt, I’d assume he’s been waiting for a ride since the 1960s. I think that kind of patience is groovy."

"That was the funniest thing I'd heard in days.You're kidding, right? PLEASE tell me you have a stronger motive for me than 'fair is fair.' Life isn't FAIR, Dean....Nothing is fair, EVER. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I need to help you because FAIR IS FAIR? Try, 'I need you to help me so I won't rip out your spine and beat you with it.' I MIGHT respond to that. MAYBE."

"Fame [10w] Fame has a funny way of rewriting your entire past."

"Marriage [10w] The only thing better than forgiveness in marriage is forgetfulness."

"Personal branding is crucial in today's society. Just remember to wait until the metal is red hot before pressing it into your flesh."

"It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'."

"What is Love? [10w] Love is the stubborn desire to find permanencein impermanence."

"Damn You, TripAdvisor! My penis deserves to be a World Heritage Site,judging by the number of tourists trampling on my balls."

"Poetry is a Ladder {C☰O☰U☰P☰L☰E☰T} {The poet's job is to create a ladder} {for the reader to enter his imagination}and☰once☰they've☰climbed☰u­p☰to☰the ☰top☰remove☰each☰rung☰by☰grad­ation"

"I’ll stand by you forever. Or at least until noon, and then I’ll go stand under the cabana. Isn’t love amazing?"

"A man's true character comes out when he's drunk."