#humor

"The best defense is a confusing offense."

"I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer."

"I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents’ prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it ."

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."

"Are you any good at it?""Pulling idiots out of the snow? I'm the best."

"Oh God, Oh God we’re all gonna die doesn’t really fit the definition of banter, now does it?"

"... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello."

"All the time you're saying to yourself, 'I could do that, but I won't,' — which is just another way of saying that you can't."

"I just invented a device that eliminates vice. It looks like a bottle of booze, only it’s empty, because I just drank it."

"An elite confederacy of nerds. My peeps"

"You're dead, George. You just don't have the sense to lie down."

"Do not do that again,"he said stiffly."Don't kiss me back then,"I retorted.He stared at me for what seemed like forever. "I don't give 'Zen lessons' to hear myself talk. I don't give them because you're another student. I'm doing this to teach you control.""You're doing a great job,"I said bitterly."

"There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine."

"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."

"Tangled [10w] Love becomes a tangle of roots submerged in common soil."

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood,"Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

"Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!"

"You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff."

"I had a dream about you. Dinner for two turned into dinner for three when you told me you were pregnant. I was excited, but a little nervous, because we were at a fancy restaurant and I only had enough money in my wallet to pay for two. So being the gentleman I am, I suggested that we skip out on the bill after we were finished eating."

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."