humor

"Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused of being a little too phlegmatic."

"Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore."

"Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any."

"You can find heroism everyday, like guys working terrible jobs because they've got to support their families. Or as far as humor, the things I see on the job, on the street, are far funnier than anything you'll ever see on TV."

"Her and I, we have a two chairs and a table kind of love. You should pull up a feeling and have a seat."

"I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research."

"I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor."

"This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here."

"This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humor section."

"If somebody is not on the same page with me humor wise, I can't give them that."

"Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family."

"He's around the twist,' said Azalea. 'Breaking all the windows? He's mad.''Ah, no,' said the King. 'It's only madness if you actually do it. If you want to break all the windows in the house and drown yourself in a bucket but don't actually do it, well, that's love."

"You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena."

"When I started, I wanted to be thought of as tortured and seductive, not funny, but humor tends to be a reflexive part of a person's sensibility. It's an almost impossible thing to teach anyone, which leads me to believe that it's intuitive."

"I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal."

"If we went by the world's definition of who I'm supposed to be because I look weird... 'Well, surely, this guy can't have a productive life, surely, he doesn't have a sense of humor. Surely, he can't love life.' We stereotype people in this world. And so... if the world thinks you're not good enough, it's a lie, you know. Get a second opinion."

"Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years."

"Mom. I have something to tell you. I’m undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I’m here to tell you that undead are just like you and me … well, okay. Possibly more like me than you."

"Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies"

"Hope for the best, survive the worst, find humor wherever you can."