humor

"It's great to be able to connect parents with children both emotionally and through humor. I look forward to exploring family entertainment once again and examining the specifics of our day-to-day lives against the backdrop of an extraordinary adventure."

"You're Hell's Angels, then? What chapter are you from?''REVELATIONS. CHAPTER SIX."

"I’m going to go out on a limb and say that’s the best place to hang a noose. More politicians need to be sticking their necks out for us."

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."

"Don't bite off more than you can chew because nobody looks attractive spitting it back out."

"Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying."

"You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working."Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab."Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!"Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!"

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is."

"Steel wool—it’s not just for washing dirty dishes. It also makes great underwear material. It’ll cure that itch to take on a lover by making you scratch."

"I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting."

"Quicksand is nature’s way of saying slow down. Me pushing you in quicksand is my way of saying be still and let me love you. Isn’t it funny how a lasso looks like a noose?"

"Somebody says, 'Do a Tom Bodett, a folksy kind of thing,' and it sounds like something out of 'Hee Haw,' very insulting. They turn wry humor into disparaging sarcasm, and you get what amounts to insulting advertising."

"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."

"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."

"Trees shaped like deer should not be ridden like benches if they get stuck up in other trees. No hunting farming allowed. Fishing only."

"Going round and around inside a dryer can be fatal, whereas pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isabelle makes it."

"Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it."

"I’m a master of encouragement. Why should I do work myself when the price of getting others to do it for me is as cheap as cheering them on?"

"My parents armed me with an amazing sense of humor, and it's what you need when, well, it's what anyone needs in this world."