humor

"All the time you're saying to yourself, 'I could do that, but I won't,' — which is just another way of saying that you can't."

"I said I made a special trip to get her favorite item, because it sounded more romantic than admitting I randomly had it already. Now that’s love."

"Academics tend to have wonderfully infantile senses of humor."

"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."

"Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat."

"I try to find humor in everything I do, because I think all great plays - even great tragedies - have enormous humor in them."

"He specialized in the murder of dreams, Hazel Grace..."

"When you're in Hollywood, you get sort of jaded about what you think the sense of humor of Hollywood is supposed to be, so you can't think outside the box."

"We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage'. I believe the technical term is being an ass."

"I like eating extra-virgin coconut oil. That’s like super non-fucked coconut oil."

"Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal."

"I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole my happy trail?"

"Humor has historically been tied to the mores of the day. The Yellow Kid was predicated on what people thought was funny about the immigrant Irish. When you're different in a society, you're funny."

"I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes."

"Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek."

"I hang out with the 'nerdy' people - they have a different sense of humor than most kids."

"Can't stand all these poisonous creatures, all these snakes and insects and fish and things. Wretched things, biting everybody. And then people expect me to tell them what to do about it. I'll tell them what to do. Don't get bitten in the first place. (quoting Dr. Struan Sutherland)"

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."

"I watched the leaves change colors, and I thought, “People do that too. Their hair changes color as they age.” I remember that as my grandpa got older, his hair went from green to yellow to red, like a traffic light, only with slightly less honking."

"The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance."