humor

"What you see on stage is pretty much the way I am... a dry sense of humor."

"The world is a sad place today. I miss the good ol’ days. Gosh, why can’t I just go back to last weekend?"

"I can only assume,"said Jace, "that mortal emotions amuse you because you have none of your own."

"Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset."

"I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me."

"Do you know how much laughter is in a single bag of chips? Enough to feed a seriously starved midget for a week. Now with 33.3% reduced fat!"

"An Unbreakable Vow?"said Ron, looking stunned. "Nah, he can’t have.... Are you sure?""Yes I’m sure,"said Harry. "Why, what does it mean?""Well, you can’t break an Unbreakable Vow...""I’d worked that much out for myself, funnily enough."

"I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it."

"Today's business and health care climate may not be pleasant. Cutbacks, pay cuts and layoffs do not make anyone's job easy. But that does not mean that the humor need stop."

"CONJUGATE THIS:I cut class, you cut class, he, she, it cuts class. We cut class, they cut class. We all cut class. I cannot say this in Spanish because I did not go to Spanish today. Gracias a dios. Hasta luego."

"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it."

"In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language."

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."

"There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor."

"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."

"First bubble baths. Now Disney parks. You're shattering every creep vampire myth I've ever heard."

"Do you know, sire, I think that if we live to tell our grandchildren about this war, they will accuse us of making it up.' -Marielle"

"Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall."

"If you're feeling blue, lock yourself in a room, stand in front of a mirror, and dance - and laugh at yourself and be sexy. Dance the silliest and ugliest you've ever danced. Make fun of yourself and try to recover your sense of humor."

"You live but once; you might as well be amusing."