humor

"What I'm expecting is for you to behave like the gentleman I always thought you were."

"People who know me know I have a sense of humor that can really push the envelope."

"Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions. If I had answers, I'd be a politician."

"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."

"If you can get humor and seriousness at the same time, you've created a special little thing, and that's what I'm looking for, because if you get pompous, you lose everything."

"You're getting into some kind of shape, cop."Aw, come on, now."Butch grinned. "Don't let that shower we took go to your head."Rhage fired a towel at the male. "Just pointing out your beer gut's gone."It was a Scotch pot. And I don't miss it."

"Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why."

"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but who is the father? Don’t look at me! I wore a condom."

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."

"Quit making shade while I’m trying to make noon. Go put on a blindfold and act like midnight. There’s leftover love in the freezer if you get cold."

"Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!"

"I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me."

"Those years on the golf course as a caddie, boy, those people were something. They were vulgar, some were alcoholics, racist, they were very difficult people to deal with. A lot of them didn't have a sense of humor."

"I wouldn't marry Giddon to save my life,"Katsa said. "Not even to save yours.""Well."Raffin's eyes were full of laughter. "I'd leave that part out."

"I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it."

"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."

"Only a fool would say they’re not a fool. Well, I am not a fool, which is why I say I am a fool."

"We are always the same age inside."

"Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island"could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves."

"A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me."