humor

"I am the broth of love. Make soup to me."

"Always have a sense of humor about life - you'll need it - but always be courteous to boot."

"I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter."(Letter 16, 1657)"

"Meaning what? We're going to pretend nothing's going on? That's stupid. The only way to deal with any of this is to get it out in the open."Have you been watching Oprah again?"

"Claim whatever you want. Say you only want a happy family or a successful career or a big house. I say: no, that's not what you want. You'll settle for those things, but you really want a monkey that does your evil bidding. Pullman is a genius just for this."

"Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go."

"Tried living in the real world instead of a shell, but I was bored before I even began."

"The Princess Andromeda?""Went ka-boom."

"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here."

"One of my favorite things about 'Star Trek' wasn't just the overt banter but the humor in that show about the relationships between the main characters and their reactions to the situations they would face; there was a lot of comedy in that show without ever breaking its reality."

"Rabbit's clever,"said Pooh thoughtfully."Yes,"said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever.""And he has Brain.""Yes,"said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."There was a long silence."I suppose,"said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."

"Microwavable ice cream is the future. Don’t wait for love to melt all over your crotch. Scoop some Ice Cream Soup today."

"Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that."

"They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people."

"If you're playing a good guy, you show some darkness. If you're playing a dark guy, you show something different, like humor, that will mix it up and hopefully surpass the audience's expectations. What I'm battling all the time is complacency in the audience. I try to bring a little mystery to what might happen because that engages people more."

"Love may make you feel blue, love may make you feel green, and sometimes love may even make you feel turquoise or teal. Depression and envy get all the pretty shades of description, and I love that, but in a pink/purple kind of way."

"I’ve been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library."

"One of my pet peeves is that sometimes the talents of my band get overlooked because, and it was the same problem that Frank Zappa had, with a lot of groups that use humor, people don't realize there's a lot of craft behind the comedy."

"Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die."

"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right."