humor

"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."

"Now what happens?"asked the man in black. "We face each other as God intended,"Fezzik said. "No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.""You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?"

"Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they're honest about everything."

"You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down."

"You can't be funny if you don't have good material."

"There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and foget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity."

"Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited."

"I had a dream about you. I said green was blue and yellow, and you said green was yellow and blue. You were like that with everything I said, taking the exact opposite stance, yet completely agreeing with me. That’s how I knew you loved me."

"The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes."

"There is humor in the darkest of moments - People who I have loved and passed away, and very high stake situations where you can't help but laugh. I think that's very human."

"Don't leave it all unsaid,somewhere in the wasteland of your head."

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

"I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation."

"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."

"She’s not a pothead. That thing on her neck is a vase. And anyway, I’m all for legalization. After all, why should surrealism be illegal?"

"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."

"Here’s to freedom, cheers to art. Here’s to having an excellent adventure and may the stopping never start."

"I’m a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up."

"And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don't know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil."

"I don't have a very quick sense of humor."