humor

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."

"Now Darkstripe,' Graypaw hissed to Firepaw under his breath, 'is neither young, nor pretty."

"The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure."

"There is - I mean - I found early in life that righteous indignation is a little off-putting, and so I try to couch it with humor."

"Eddie Money and Johnny Cash should have collaborated. I’d have paid good last name to see them in concert."

"My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's."

"We?"Simon looked at him in disbelief. "Are you ever going home?""What, bored with my company already?" "Let me ask you something,"Simon said. "Do you find me fascinating to be around?""What was that?"Jace said. "Sorry, I think I fell asleep for a moment. Do, continue with whatever mesmerizing thing you were saying."

"Did someone just call me the wine dude?” he asked in a lazy drawl. “It’s Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don’t-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus."

"I like men who have a future and women who have a past."

"Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room."

"Why anybody gets my sense of humor I never know, but I do know that when they do, I keep them as close as I possibly can."

"You catch more flies with honey than you do with chopsticks. Let this be a lesson in love."

"[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that."

"A strong sense of humor, a really awesome personality, and maturity is also really important in a boyfriend. I tend to only be attracted to older guys for that reason. I just love guys who have a really strong sense of who they are."

"Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables."

"I give 110% in love. If that seems absurd, just know that I used presidential voting machines to calculate that number. It's totally legit."

"Our humor turns our anger into a fine art."

"It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot."

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."