humor

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

"How do you feel right now?""I hurt like hell.""You'll feel worse tomorrow.""So?""So, better get a jump on this while you still feel...not as bad.""What kind of logic is that?"I retorted."

"Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert. Those are the guys I look at who are telling me pretty much the truth. And they throw humor into it which makes it much more interesting to listen to."

"There are always some lunatics about. It would be a dull world without them."

"I visited Jobs for the last time in his Palo Alto, Calif., home. He had moved to a downstairs bedroom because he was too weak to go up and down stairs. He was curled up in some pain, but his mind was still sharp and his humor vibrant."

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

"Nothing in man is more serious than his sense of humor; it is the sign that he wants all the truth."

"What's great about the geek spirit is that life never seems to stop us, and they never seem to kill our enthusiasm, our optimism and our hunger to experience the world. We keep our sense of humor, we protect our dignity, we talk to our friends about the experience and then we start again fresh the very next day."

"I had a dream about you. Flowers were overflowing in the cemetery, so we decided to have a picnic there. You brought apple pie, and I brought my Aunt Mildred, who’d been dead for some time and I just hadn’t gotten around to disposing of her body. I thought you’d think me both efficient and romantic, but it turns out you didn’t. You only saw the romantic side of my action."

"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

"This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or...""Repair boy.""Very funny, Piper."

"Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone."

"Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god."

"Everyone’s different, and in that way everyone’s the same. Stand out by sitting down. Try my love seat—it’s made for two people, so you can be comfortably obese."

"Playing with fire Kitten?"

"The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit."

"As it turned out, everyone wanted a doughnut. Jace wanted two."

"As a person, he was wonderful. He really was a great person. He was full of life. He had a great sense of humor. Very talented, of course, but very caring to his parents. There was a very endearing quality about Elvis."

"But Piglet is so small that he slips into a pocket, where it is very comfortable to feel him when you are not quite sure whether twice seven is twelve or twenty-two."

"Could we wear spandex and blow things up?"