humor

"You realize that trying to keep your distance from me will not lessen my affection for you. All efforts to save me from you will fail."

"My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here."

"Yeah, well, food's one of the five exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfigurations,"said Ron, to general astonishment."

"How do I know you'll keep your word?"asked Coraline."I swear it,"said the other mother. "I swear it on my own mother's grave.""Does she have a grave?"asked Coraline."Oh yes,"said the other mother. "I put her in there myself. And when I found her trying to crawl out, I put her back."

"When he finished, he drank from the cup. Everyone else did too, so I followed suit.And nearly choked to death.It was like fire in liquid form. It took every ounce of strength I had to swallow it and not spray it on those around me."Wh...what is this?"I asked, coughing.Viktoria grinned. "Vodka."I peered at the glass. "No, it isn't. I've had vodka before.""Not Russian vodka."Apparently not."

"My own inclination is to skew towards humor. They say that some people view life as a comedy, others as a tragedy. Me? Comedy all the way."

"Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. Just thought you should know."

"I had a dream about you. I told you I loved you, and you stopped folding clothes, turned to look me in my eyes, and replied, “The cat food on the moon is probably all dry.” Then I started crying, because up until that point I had no idea that I meant that much to you and I was overjoyed with raw emotion."

"As a person, he was wonderful. He really was a great person. He was full of life. He had a great sense of humor. Very talented, of course, but very caring to his parents. There was a very endearing quality about Elvis."

"I want to do it too!"(sitting motionless)Nudge: "Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church."Max: (muttering) "Appropriately enough."Iggy: "What about me?"(stands still)Max: "No, you're visible."Iggy: "Am not!"Max: (throws a pinecone at him) "Could I do that if I wouldn't see you?"

"I have a really dry sense of humor. I don't think it's funny when people wink at the camera. That's more of an actor thing, just committing to whatever the thing is."

"Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence."

"It's easier to sit there and say you don't like feminists because they don't have a sense of humor."

"I always listen to you. Except when I don't."

"I make friends as easily as water freezes in an active volcano. Remember: handshakes feel more natural if you leave your rubber gloves at home. Unless you enjoy networking in public restrooms."

"We don't appreciate the value of humor sometimes."

"'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken?"

"A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory."

"I tried to tell you. You said you didn't care, remember?"A muscle ticked below his eye. "You should have told me anyway.""While you had barbells within your reach? Please. I'm Disease, not Stupid."

"Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log."