humor

"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork."

"A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke."

"Have you ever had a girlfriend, Kenji?""What?"He looks mortally offended. "Do I look like the kind of guy who's never had a girlfriend? Have you even met me?"

"Room service? Send up a larger room."[A Night at the Opera]"

"You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony."

"There exists a big circus tent, and the right entrance is named The Republicans, and the left entrance is called The Democrats. People argue over which is the correct path, not realizing everyone inside is a clown."

"I was in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky. I would have held up my index finger, but I wasn't in love that long."

"Cameron Crowe can write dialogue and shoot it with warmth and humor like nobody else."

"My capacity for happiness,"he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first"

"V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love."

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."

"I just rely on natural talent,"said Adrian, strolling up to the start of the Dragon's Lair. "When you have such a wealth of it to draw from, the danger comes from having too much."

"Right,"Sadie said. "And Set will just stand there calmly while I read him to death."

"Tennis is the only sport with love in the score, and that makes it the most romantic. I would be a player, but I wisely use the net to go fishing instead."

"The word long is short, and so is the word short, but why is the word love as long as long? Shouldn’t it be longer?"

"A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement"

"Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating."

"I know - I'll play you for it,"Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors."Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed."Why don't you just tell me who wins?"Edward said wryly.Alice beamed. "I do. Excellent."

"I tried to tell you. You said you didn't care, remember?"A muscle ticked below his eye. "You should have told me anyway.""While you had barbells within your reach? Please. I'm Disease, not Stupid."

"My love for you grows daily, and all it takes is exposure to your sunny disposition, coupled with watering it with coffee."