humor

"I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?"

"She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her."

"Set your compass to beauty, humor, and grief; stay the course no matter what, and I'll support you with everything I've got."

"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."

"Being Jewish is a big part of my artistic sensibility and my humor... I think it gives me a certain take on the world on a literary level."

"I made this [letter] very long, because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter."

"I'm a pretty tenacious person; I get that from my mom. So sometimes, I use dark humor. I can't take myself too seriously."

"Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?"

"I think sometimes my humor is extremely dry, and a lot of times I would say things that I thought were very funny but... I have a reputation of - people think of me as a very fundamentalist, humorless fellow."

"If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?"

"If the blood humor is too strong and robust, calm it with balance and harmony."

"The 'Twilight' movies are great in their own right, but they certainly don't have any sense of humor to them."

"I have to return some videotapes"

"Ask me if I sparkle and I’ll kill you where you stand.” (Bones)"

"My name is Percy Jackson. I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.Am I a troubled kid?Yeah. You could say that."

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?"and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off."

"She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong."

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

"Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry"said Hermione, before catching sight of Ron's raised eyebrows, blushing slightly and saying "oh you know what I mean - Goyle's Potion looked like bogies."

"Hey,"said Shadow. "Huginn or Muninn, or whoever you are."The bird turned, head tipped, suspiciously, on one side, and it stared at him with bright eyes."Say 'Nevermore,'"said Shadow."Fuck you,"said the raven."