humor

"Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee."

"I leave my door locked and unlocked. You know, for stopportunities. As a lover, I’ve been known—and unknown—to be like Zeno."

"No, Miss Palmer. What is bizarre is that I currently have a vagina."

"Love conquers all,"Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?""Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?""Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart."

"I think sometimes my humor is extremely dry, and a lot of times I would say things that I thought were very funny but... I have a reputation of - people think of me as a very fundamentalist, humorless fellow."

"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."

"I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe."

"A turtle is like a lizard in a bicycle helmet, and I think that’s romantic. That reminds me, I should write a love song called, “Dinner for two—plus one."

"I am the broth of love. Make soup to me."

"V shook his head. “Remember what you saw in that clearing, cop? How’d you like that anywhere near a female you loved?”Butch put down the Bud without drinking from it. His eyes traveled over Rhage’s body.“We’re going to need a shitload of steel,” the human muttered."

"Holly's theory about the army,"Sharon explained.And what is it?"Denise asked, intrigued.Oh, that fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

"Humor, humility, and, of course, honesty, all are qualities that work in public and cultural diplomacy."

"By all means continue destroying my possessions. I daresay I have too many."

"I’m learning to play the saxophone so when you feel lonely I can come over and stand in the shadows and play it for you. Two is one too lonely for me."

"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."

"Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe."

"Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer."

"You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school.""Oh I believe it,"I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker's combination and tried to get into it with an axe.No one was really sure where she'd gotten it from."

"The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues."

"Sometimes the only way to make palatable that which is appalling and apprehensive is to season it with some humor."