#Funny

"I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way."

"You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working."Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab."Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!"Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!"

"Ash is going to kick your ass, Daemon."Daemon's grin went up a notch. "Nah, she likes my ass too much for that."

"I guess we're oil and water. (Phoebe)I'd say we're more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan)"

"Why couldn't you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team!"

"I want to write a book on sex. It will be filled with phrases like "Uuuhgh yeeeaaaah,"and "Ooooh that's it,"and "Whose hands are those?"

"I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like my grandpa always used to say, “The next best thing to making love to a mermaid, is having sex with a fish."

"Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)"

"One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace."

"One of the greatest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten in my life was from my mom. When I was a little kid there was a kid who was bugging me at school and she said “Okay, I’m gonna tell you what to do. If the kid’s bugging you and puts his hands on you; you pick up the nearest rock..."

"I'm not funny. What I am is brave."

"Thou art a very ragged Wart."

"Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator."

"When I compliment you, I compliment myself, because I am who I associate with."

"I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it"

"If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave."

"My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health."

"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."

"I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers."

"I like doing comedy, I like doing drama. Naturally I like to do, I like doing dramas, I like conflict, and when I do a comedy, you know, I've found that, like, romantic comedy is the trickiest one, because often it's neither: it's not romantic and it's not funny. So, like, I like a comedy that's biting. It's biting humor or really quirky humor."