#Funny

"Did you know it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile? I know, because yesterday was in a bad mood, and I guess I must have frowned too much because this morning I woke up with a torn groin muscle."

"How long have you been standing there?""Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger.""He deserved it."

"My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious."

"Bite me, Goth princess,” Shane called from the back. “Not literally or anything.”“Maybe you should say that to Michael.”“Not funny, Eve,” Michael said.Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. “Little bit,” she said."

"Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion."

"I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home."

"You're very welcome,"she said, giving my hair a hard tug. "You should be used to being gawked at by now.""And yet I'm not.""Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal, and I'll get up on the banquet table, toss my skirt over my head, and do a little dance. That way no one will be looking at you."

"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it."

"Sometimes a symbol holds more power than the thing it represents. Like the symbol for Thing, the one I created that is confusing and abstract and makes people ask, What is that thing? And I always reply, “If you already knew, why did you ask?"

"Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer."

"I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips."

"Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’re a member of Congress."

"If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?"

"Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh."

"Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag."

"We have always had gross humor. But we try for funny, not gross."

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

"I like watching people stretch in the park. It's my new favorite pastime since I bought a portable rack."

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."

"Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are gay. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon.""You noticed,"said Simon. "I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual,"added Magnus. "Please never say those words in front of my parents,"said Alec."