#Funny

"My friend "M"says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off."

"Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights."

"Sometimes no words come as a response, only shapes spring to mind. But after you tell me you love me, I can’t very well reply, “Hexagon!"

"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."

"A pause followed my greeting. Then “We’re watching you ” whispered the voice on the other end.“Yeah? Did you see what I did with my keys? ”Silence. Then dial tone.These younger demons. So easily discouraged."

"I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not funny."

"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it."

"Women's humor seems to be a little more supportive. It's just kind of trying to make the other one laugh through funny voices and kind of talking about other people. I respond to that. I feel less like I'm going to get beat up in a room full of women than I do in a room full of guys."

"I'm the kind of guy who puts other people first. Particularly if there’s danger up ahead. Now I’m not saying I’m any more cowardly than the next man, unless that next man is any other man besides my clone."

"Legion hissed like a startled cat, the noise scraping at Reyes’s skin. “Me no boy. You think me a boy?”Everyone stopped, stared. Even Aeron.Reyes was the first to find his voice. “You’re a…girl?”A nod. “Me pretty.”“Yes, you are.” Reyes exchanged a glance with Lucien. “Beautiful."

"And since I’m marrying into the Quartet, I have certain privileges and duties. If you’re sleeping with Laurel—”“I’m not sleeping with Laurel. We’re dating.”“Right, and the two of you are just going to hold hands, admire the moon, and sing camp songs.”“For a while. Minus the singing."

"I got my sense of humor from my grandmother. You know, my grandmother was very funny."

"Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair."

"In these modern times, the only sensible thing to be is nonsensical."

"They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants."

"The trick to looking ageless is drinking 55 gallons of #FlashBangWowFuzz every 4-6 hours. 24-hour discounts available."

"Because there's no way on earth she's going to make it through college unless she grows some serious ovaries and turns this train wreck around"

"You…you got rid of that dress fast,"I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it.""I do like it,"he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it."And then he took me to the bed."

"I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100."