#Funny

"Comedy is still alive, and there are still funny people. Jews are still overrepresented in comedy and psychiatry and underrepresented in the priesthood. That immigrant Jewish humor is still with us."

"It's always been this way. There were rumors about me even before I was born. It's why my mother never calls me Sobachka. She says it makes me sound like a mongrel."My heart gave a little pang at that. I'd been called plenty of names growing up."I like mongrels,"I said. "They have cute floppy ears.""My ears are very dignified."

"I planted a kamikaze kiss on Jamie’s cheek.“FUCK,” he shouted, wiping it off. “What if you killed me!” He threw a Skittle at my face. It hit my forehead.“Ow!”“Taste the rainbow bitch."

"I lost a horse today.''That sounds careless. What happened?''She jumped off a cliff.''A cliff! Is that normal?"

"Here,"Myrnin said, his voice still gentle and low. "Amelie said you had to work. No one said you had to work alone."He picked up the next part and slotted it in, took the screwdriver from Claire's numbed fingers, and fastened it with a couple of deft, fast movements. "I'll be your hands."She wanted to cry, because it was so sweet, but it wouldn't do any good."

"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."

"That’s us,” he said. “Those five nuts right there.”Which one is me?” I asked.The little deformed one,” Zoe suggested.Oh, shut up."

"When I was growing up we didn't have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together!"

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?"

"My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored."

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."

"Dude. Hot Bozo. Best nickname ever."

"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it."

"If I looked like him,” Tara said. “I’d want to have sex with myself. All the time."

"Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"

"Her voice was now so shrill only bats would be able to hear it soon, but she had reached a level of indignation that rendered her temporarily speechless.."

"I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline."