#Funny

"Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall?"

"Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"

"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God."

"The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree."

"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."

"I mean, we're ninjas.""Well maybe you're a ninja,"I said"You're just a really loud, awkward ninja,"Margo said, "but we are both ninjas."

"One thing I've learned about vampires--they keep pulling new rabbits out of their cloaks. Big, fanged, carnivorous bunnies that'll eat your eyeballs if you're not paying attention."

"Stairs,"Valkyrie said, disappointed."Not just ordinary stairs,"Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs.""Really?""Oh, yes."She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?""They just are.""In what way?""In a magicky way."She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?""Not really."

"A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it."

"Last time I had sex I was so good I got a standing ovation. Well, actually, I just got the clap."

"I didn't want to spoil the mood. This was probably the longest Daemon and I had ever spoken without some statement earning him the finger."

"Hey, Geekoid!"yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV?"

"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."

"To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle."

"If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name."

"How long have you been standing there?""Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger.""He deserved it."

"I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour."

"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."

"Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’re a member of Congress."

"Want to dance? We have music this time. And I don't have to punch you when we finish."